The closer I get to Christmas the more my eating/drinking/working/sleeping habits fall into disarray. Based on the last 72 hours it would appear that I have abdicated my position as responsible Captain of the family ship and am now just another merry buccaneer. My judgment has “gone down the drain” as my mother would have said, and I clearly lack the will to get out the plunger and attempt to retrieve it.
Instead, I toddle around the house in my Roots sweatpants (official uniform of the self-indulgent), eating clementines as though they are grapes and ignoring the reality that tomorrow is a work day. I hum Jingle Bell Rock (don’t judge me!) and blissfully pretend that the mountain of still unwrapped gifts threatening to spill out of my office closet were truly shipped from the North Pole and will not appear on my January VISA statement.
I am in full Pre-Christmas mode. IS THIS WRONG?
- Is it wrong that I ate three Turtles chocolates for breakfast?
- Is it wrong that I am stirring my coffee with candy canes and have devoured all of the fudge that I was supposed to be delivering to elderly relatives?
- Is it wrong that I am using empty cereal boxes when wrapping clothing items because I am too lazy to go to the mall and buy real gift boxes/bags?
- Is it wrong that I used an hour of my Friday work day googling ‘dill dip recipes’ then skipped a conference call so that I could make it immediately?
- Is it wrong that I scoffed down most of a ‘family-sized’ bag of thick cut potato chips at 3:00am this morning (along with most of the dill dip, which was uber-delicious)?
- Is it wrong that I simply transferred money from “line of credit” to “checking” instead of attempting to balance my check book?
- Is it wrong that I wore a ponytail yesterday instead of washing my hair then slept in the ponytail and have now shoved the whole mess into a scrunchie instead of taking a shower?
- Is it wrong that my plans for the day currently involve nothing except baking, eating, and marathon viewing Christmas movies (even though I have assured a client that his project is my #1 priority)?
I know the answer to these questions (and to the dozens more that I didn’t bother to list). At this moment, I am sure that blood work would reveal that I am 40% chocolate, 40% red wine, and 20% sour cream (that damn dill dip is like crack cocaine). I know that my devil-may-care attitude is unsustainable and I predict a January filled with painful amounts of exercise and pitiful amounts of entertainment (Did I mention my impending poverty?)
Still, as I sip my pepperminty-coffee and inhale the sweet fumes of sugar cookies cooling on the counter, I draw upon the lyrics of an old country song my mother used to hum… “If lovin’ you (Christmas) is wrong, I don’t wanna be right”.