The Easter Bunny has been coming to my house for many, many years. He comes in the middle of the night and hippity hops from one room to another, hiding jelly beans and chocolate eggs and tiny marshmallow rabbits. I have never seen Mr Bunny but I have heard him… and not just because I am a light sleeper and all that hippity hopping is a bit hard to ignore when your hardwood floors are old and squeaky.
I have heard him because he whispers in my ear on his way out. His words of wisdom have allowed me to revel in the Easter madness rather than fight against it. I choose to share his sage advice and tell you all what the bunny told me:
1. Chocolate CAN be a breakfast food
2. It is okay to watch “The Princess Diaries” with the kids instead of going for a hike (because it is hard to eat chocolate while hiking)
3. There is no shame in failing to properly assemble the toy in your Kinder Egg Surprise (82% of all adults cannot put the wheels on those tiny plastic vehicles or the heads on those tiny plastic characters)
4. The dog probably didn’t throw up because he ate a bag of gummy chicks (and the plastic eggs they came in)
5. Chocolate CAN be a lunch food
6. It is okay to watch “The Princess Diaries 2” with the kids instead of going on a hike (because the dog is feeling ill and it is best to be supportive and rest with him on the sofa)
7. You don’t need a tetanus shot if the cut on the bottom of your foot is from stepping on a half-assembled Kinder Egg Surprise
8. It is wrong to count how many jelly beans you consume on Easter Sunday… nothing should be counted on this very special day… not candy or movies or glasses of wine.
9. Chocolate CAN be a pre-dinner appetizer
10. There are no calories at Easter!
I believe the world can’t get enough reminders of good, scientifically sound, nutritional FACTS. I applaud you for placing these in the public view. Chocolate bunny ears or butts, tender young jelly ***beans*** all are clearly identified on the food pyramid. Candy on holidays is calorie free, just like fast food is calorie free if it is eaten in the car.
Sadly. I am suffering from a chocolate hangover this morning. Living room is littered with tinfoil wrappers as proof of my debachery. Despite the indisputable health benefits of an all candy diet, I fear that I must find some fruit today and perhaps leave the last bunny intact for now.
Oh how you have eased my mind, and the worst I did was to have jelly beans and popcorn for lunch!! Now, I’m wondering where i can buy chocolate on Easter Sunday without driving through the solid lines of Mexican Holy Week traffic to find it!
Gas stations my friend! The gas station is always there for you!
Alas, the closest gas station that sells chocolate is on the other side of the worst traffic glut in front of the dozens of fish restaurants that stretch in a long chain between the lake and only road. Most little stores and stations don’t sell chocolate because it is hard to keep from melting. I was saved..but did find a few leftover jelly beans to feed my compulsion. For the rest I had to make do with cinnamon toast. I try not to keep sweets in the house, but where there is a will, there is a way, and I do have to keep sugar around for the coffee of friends.
Cinnamon toast is definitely NOT a “make do” solution… I adore cinnamon toast! In fact, just reading the words “cinnamon toast” make me want to stop work and race to the kitchen!
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I know. Aren’t I evil? I too had forgotten all about it until I was driven by desperation to survey the contents of my kitchen for a naughty thrill.
Your list is hilarious, by the way!
Thank you. Although this morning I am not seeing the hilarity (chocolate hangovers are the worst)
Hmmm. Describe one, please? I may not be having bouts of malaria after all.
I do not have any Peeps. I am deprived. I have never counted jelly beans. If you eat them standing up, they have no calories. If you eat them without looking at your hand, they actually help you burn calories from chocolate.
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Wow! These jelly bean facts are new to me. That said, I had heard that if you eat them in bed you will have happy dreams of unicorns and rainbows!
I learn such interesting truths from blogs. All my life I’ve popped both chocolates and jelly beans lying on my back with hand held in the air over my mouth, popping them one by one like green grapes in an orgy scene. Then I’d exercise madly afterwards in hope of working off the calories. Oh that I’d had the benefit of your wisdom long ago.