There is nothing better than the feeling you have on the first REALLY GREAT Sunday of spring; the day when you wake up to sun shine and double digit temperatures and the absence of work. It is the Trifecta of seasonal victories and every moment should be savoured.
How to maximize the pleasure of this day? That is the question. The answer – my tried and true three-step approach, guaranteed to help you appreciate each glorious opportunity and avoid potential obstacles.
STEP 1: SPRING MAINTENANCE
It is time to deforest. Grab a fresh razorblade and some tweezers (and maybe those kitchen shears that you use for deboning chicken). Lock the bathroom door (because no family member needs to inadvertently see something that cannot be un-seen). Then let the lady-scaping or man-scaping commence…
Yes gentlemen, I am talking to you as well. Your wife may have been telling you all winter that those toupee-like clumps on your shoulders are adorable, but it’s a lie! Your back situation made her feel better about the Emerald Forest growing on her calves, but today is the first great day of spring so you both need to raise the bar on personal maintenance.
STEP 2: WARDROBE ADJUSTMENT
Put on something with a little colour. Blue, yellow, red, pink, purple, green… anything not “earth tone” will do. For those addicted to black (you know who you are) I suggest a white t-shirt. The goal is not to feel uncomfortable in your own skin or push too far out of your comfort zone. You just need to wear something that doesn’t blend in with the fume-gray snow heaps still lining the sidewalk. You may want to roll up your pants, too. Flaunt those freshly shaved ankles!
Note: Please do not jump straight to shorts and sleeveless tops. If you are as severely Caucasian as I am, the radiating whiteness of your post-winter flesh could pose a vision risk to those who are caught unaware and are not wearing protective tinted lenses. And even if the Genetics Gods have blessed you with melanin, you will still look like your skin is made of fly-paper since every exposed limb will be covered in goosebumps.
STEP 3: IMMEDIATE DEPARTURE
I cannot over-emphasize the importance of the immediate departure. Because if you don’t leave your house the moment you are dressed, you will start to notice things… like the way those rays of sunshine are highlighting the dirt streaks on the windows and throwing a spotlight on the dusty coffee table. Or how the warm morning temperature has melted the backyard snow, revealing five months worth of uncollected doogy-doo.
As the moments pass, you will come to realize that you hate all of your living room furniture; that the white blinds you put in every room of the house have become decidedly ecru; and that you must have been drunk when you bought what is clearly the world’s most hideous duvet cover…
Next thing you know, you are hunch-shouldered over a laptop, googling “DIY Home Renovations” and trying to sell your dining room set on kijiji.
DO NOT let this happen. You are smooth-skinned and cheerfully attired, so get out there and enjoy the day. Walk the dog, or walk the spousal unit, or just walk yourself around the neighbourhood. Smile at people. Read a book on a park bench. Buy over-priced coffee. Do anything or nothing; just do it, or don’t do it, OUTSIDE!