Experts recommend that you clean out your medicine cabinet once a year, to make sure there is nothing in there that might be past its expiry date and more apt to cause harm than good. I believe that this advice is equally applicable to one’s make up bag, or drawer, or for many women, the combined flat surface area of the bathroom and bedroom. (You know who you are and I am not judging… just sayin’).
I just did a spring clean-out and here’s what I tossed in the bin for the sake of my aesthetic health:
- Perfume samples. One day… maybe next week… maybe next year… an occasion will arise where I want to present a scented version of myself to the world and, if these tiny vials of nasal stimulant are still available, I will grab one. Because they are super-small, the squirty thing will not work properly. I will become frustrated, apply too much pressure, and crack the plastic, upon which time the entire contents of the vial will pour over my hands. Despite repeated attempts at removal, I will spend the next several hours smelling like a rose dipped in rosemary. These things are like ticking time bombs.
- An assortment of lip glosses with gooey black gunk around the caps. What is that stuff? Where did it come from? Why do I have half a dozen “nude” lip coverings anyway?
- Blue eyeliner. Enough said.
- A REALLY expensive REALLY pink blush from MAC because, when the saleswoman gently swiped it across my face and told me I had wonderful cheekbones, I felt young and beautiful… but every time I try to do it myself, I look like a ventriloquist’s dummy.
- An “all day” mascara that more than lived up to its name. A thousand make up remover pads later and it will still cling stubbornly to whatever lashes are left. It frightens me. I fear that someday, after the apocalypse, all that will survive will be cockroaches and “all day” mascara (and a Kardashian).
- A magnifying mirror. No woman needs to see her pores and crinkles enlarged 20X! What #%#* madman (and I KNOW it was a man) came up with this ungodly device?!?
My garbage bin is full and my make up bag is nearly empty, but I feel good… and safe. Today, my face is approaching the world adorned with nothing but a foundation of wrinkle cream and a swipe of Burt’s Bees SPF lip stuff. And so long as I don’t encounter any magnifying mirrors, I will be fine!