I want to be a Meteorologist

meteorologist

The weather app shows a bright yellow sun wearing a puffy gray cloud like a little hat. The cloud is decorated with two super-blue (and oddly cheerful looking) raindrops. For those of us who are struggling to relate this image to anything we have ever seen in the sky, a written summary clarifies that it is “sunny with chance of shower” and identifies the temperature range as “between 14 C and 22 C, although it will feel like 27 C”.  Hmmmm…

Based on this information, I can conclude that:

  • It will be sunny… unless it rains, and
  • It will be hot… unless it is cold

These uber-helpful facts allow me to deduce that:

  • I should wear a t-shirt, shorts and sandals… or a sweater, pants and water-proof boots
  • I should apply sunscreen and carry an umbrella
  • I should eat lunch at a restaurant that has a patio but expect the patio to be closed
  • I will be hot… unless I am cold
  • My hair will… or will not… be frizzy
  • I will really enjoy… or really hate… walking the dog

I want to be a meteorologist. I want to speak with authority even when nothing I am saying makes sense. I want people to seek my guidance again and again, even if I am wrong more often than I am right. And I want to be 100% confident that I can predict the future, despite a mountain of historical evidence to the contrary.

Actually, I want to be a hybrid – the working-mother-meteorologist! It would be awesome. At work, I could be over-budget, over-time, and miles-off-target on every project, but clients would inexplicably still accept my proposals. At home, I could promise my kids ‘fun times’ every day then make them practice the piano and do long division, but they would never hold it against me. And every two weeks, I would make my mortgage payment… unless I didn’t… or maybe I would pay half but reassure the bank that my $500 will feel like $1000!

Author: kim scaravelli

Kim lives in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, with her long-suffering husband, an assortment of off-spring, a charming cat named Winnie, and a less charming (but oddly loveable) schnauzer named Buster.

12 thoughts

  1. We’ve got one good one around here. He’s very accurate most of the time and remembers to look out the window to make sure that when he is predicting sunny weather, it isn’t already raining. Otherwise, I read weather maps. My predictions are shockingly accurate, but no one pays me anything and I don’t get no respect.

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    1. Thanks. As I write this, I am looking at an image of the sun while dressed in full sweatpants and a hoodie and looking out the window at a freezing cold, overcast day!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. We have a brilliant foolproof means for an immediate and 100% accurate weather forecast. It’s called ……….. a window.
    In our old house, whatever weather was predicted for our area fell everywhere except on our house. If there were clouds at the back of the house but not the front, it was OK to put my washing out. If it was cloudy at the front and sunny at the back, rain was imminent.

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  3. Dropped over from Cordelia’s Mom’ssss (I think there is a grammar rule that states when one is using two possessives consecutively, that the second possessive must have more postfix s’s than the first possessive) for a visit. Teddy Rosalie sent me. Fun post – takes a real occurrence we accept daily and extrapolates it into the rest of life – cool. I heard a commentary on weather forecasting not long ago and they said (seriously) that after hundreds of years and billions of dollars weather forecasting has just recently reached the same accuracy as is achieved by saying that tomorrow’s weather will be the same as today’s. Personally I prefer the weather rock http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weather_rock I find it more accurate than the weather forecasters. O_o

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