Like others, I have questions about the meaning of life, but I must be honest… most days, I think less about the BIG picture and more about the little things that are driving me mad. So today, I am seeking answers to some of the small questions that eat up space in my head. I am hopeful that once these mundane matters have been resolved, I will be able to fully appreciate all of the enjoyments life has to offer. So, dear universe, I ask you:
- Why did Apple change the size of the little charging thingie on the bottom of the iphone 6?
- Where are all the iphone 6 compatible USB cords? (Good news: since upgrading, I have found the 3 dozen lost cords for my old iphone. Bad news: I may as well have found a bunch of 8-track tapes)
- Why is the bread still soft when I set the toaster to 3 but burnt beyond recognition when I wiggle the dial up a millimeter?
- Who keeps putting empty milk cartons back in the fridge? And why?
- Is it the same person who puts the empty coffee pot back on the burner and leaves it turned on?
- How do I get rid of the weird smell in my front-loading washing machine? (Please don’t tell me to (a) leave the door open, (b) run a dry cloth around the rubber lip between loads, or (c) sanitize it with vinegar, javex, or some crazy expensive powder from the grocery store… have tried it all!)
- Who invented the front-load washing machine? Where do they live? (I need a street address!)
- Do ‘large’ and ‘extra large’ eggs come from ‘large’ and ‘extra large’ chickens?
- Why are all my whiteboard markers dried out? (Even the pink one that hardly ever gets used)
- Why does Costco sell shampoo/conditioner packs with huge shampoo bottles but only regular sized conditioners? (And am I the only person who goes through conditioner way faster than I go through shampoo?)
- What is the purpose of a ’30 minute maximum’ parking meter? Is there something a person can accomplish in less than 30 minutes downtown?
- Why do men’s blazers have inside pockets but women’s blazers don’t?
- How long is a disposable razor supposed to last? Am I using mine too long? Throwing it away too soon?
- Why are my reading glasses always dirty?
- Why is there a daily section in my local paper dedicated to “Wheels”? How many articles can be written on the singular topic of cars? Who reads this?
I could go on. Trust me… my mind is a whirling dervish of trivial concerns.