DEAR UNIVERSE:
Like others, I have questions about the meaning of life, but I must be honest… most days, I think less about the BIG picture and more about the little things that are driving me mad. So today, I am seeking answers to some of the small questions that eat up space in my head. I am hopeful that once these mundane matters have been resolved, I will be able to fully appreciate all of the enjoyments life has to offer. So, dear universe, I ask you:
- Why did Apple change the size of the little charging thingie on the bottom of the iphone 6?
- Where are all the iphone 6 compatible USB cords? (Good news: since upgrading, I have found the 3 dozen lost cords for my old iphone. Bad news: I may as well have found a bunch of 8-track tapes)
- Why is the bread still soft when I set the toaster to 3 but burnt beyond recognition when I wiggle the dial up a millimeter?
- Who keeps putting empty milk cartons back in the fridge? And why?
- Is it the same person who puts the empty coffee pot back on the burner and leaves it turned on?
- How do I get rid of the weird smell in my front-loading washing machine? (Please don’t tell me to (a) leave the door open, (b) run a dry cloth around the rubber lip between loads, or (c) sanitize it with vinegar, javex, or some crazy expensive powder from the grocery store… have tried it all!)
- Who invented the front-load washing machine? Where do they live? (I need a street address!)
- Do ‘large’ and ‘extra large’ eggs come from ‘large’ and ‘extra large’ chickens?
- Why are all my whiteboard markers dried out? (Even the pink one that hardly ever gets used)
- Why does Costco sell shampoo/conditioner packs with huge shampoo bottles but only regular sized conditioners? (And am I the only person who goes through conditioner way faster than I go through shampoo?)
- What is the purpose of a ’30 minute maximum’ parking meter? Is there something a person can accomplish in less than 30 minutes downtown?
- Why do men’s blazers have inside pockets but women’s blazers don’t?
- How long is a disposable razor supposed to last? Am I using mine too long? Throwing it away too soon?
- Why are my reading glasses always dirty?
- Why is there a daily section in my local paper dedicated to “Wheels”? How many articles can be written on the singular topic of cars? Who reads this?
I could go on. Trust me… my mind is a whirling dervish of trivial concerns.
Stuff my dog taught me 
The answer to the first one has to be to buy a new charger. Here is one – why do hot dogs come in packs of eight, while buns come in packs of six or twelve?
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I can’t answer ALL those questions … but “Why are my reading glasses always dirty?” is because you use them near the computer and everyone is ranting. It’s little bits of sticky rant ether and it is VERY hard to remove. Also, I don’t know about YOUR dog, but mine like licking my glasses and I have found that dog spit fuses with lenses.
Life is full of confounding conundrums. I’m pretty sure it’s the dogs who put back the empty containers, by the way. They don’t want me to know they can open the door.
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I see your thinking on the dog thing… if he had thumbs, I am sure we would all blame him for everything. As it is, I can only stick him with the occasional lick of my glasses and possibly the washing machine door (does seem faintly like ‘wet dog’ so maybe there is a connection)
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