It’s the Little Things…

little-things

It’s not the big questions of the universe that keep me awake at night. Nope. It’s the little questions – the ones I know should have a simple answer but I can’t seem to find it. Like… 

Why do we still have shoelaces?

I have heard about big oil, and tobacco, and the NRA, with their giant lobbying powers, constantly pressuring lawmakers to maintain the status quo when it comes to fossil fuels and smoking and guns. But is there a shoelace lobby out there too, preaching the evils of Velcro? Is this a thing?

The car killed off the horse-and-buggy, wireless technology eviscerated the home phone, and Lycra put a quick end to stiff, uncomfortable jeans. But a zillion years after the emergence of Velcro we are still stopping basketball games so that players can stoop to tie their shoelaces. Why?!? And while we are on the subject of apparel…

What’s the deal on clothing sizes?

Mankind has mastered liquid, solid and distance measurements. From one side of the earth to the other, people can use the same chocolate chip cookie recipe because every measuring cup holds the same amount of butter. Yet we cannot standardize the width of a pair of jeans. Why?!?

I have heard that it has something to do with consumer egos. Apparently clothing companies, desperate to boost our self-confidence, keep adjusting the sizing scale. If someone can point me towards the people in charge, I will happily enlighten them about the flaw in their logic.

I see myself naked damn near every day. I am well aware of my real proportions, so if you want to truly make me happy, just agree to a common system so that I can get in and out of your store without having to take half a dozen pair of pants into the dressing room and stare at my muffin top over and over and over again (in a mirror that was clearly re-cycled from a circus funhouse). And while we’re on the subject of things no one wants to look at…

When is Donald Trump’s 15 minutes of fame going to be over?

Anyone remember Paris Hilton? Lindsay Lohan? The entire cast of The Hills? One minute their faces were everywhere and the next they had their fingers crossed, praying for a chance to be on Dancing With the Stars. That’s how it is in the U.S. Crazy people come and go in entertainment, and in business, and in politics. Google ‘Ross Perot’. The guy was a real thing in one (or two) elections. Now his autobiography, “Ross Perot: My Life”, sells online for $5.99.

The public appetite for The Donald must be waning. Mine certainly is. Over the past year I have gone from strange fascination to revulsion to an aggressive disinterest, refusing to allow his name at my dinner table. Yet he is still staring at me from the tabloid covers at the grocery store checkout and he is still being interviewed and put on pulpits where he can share his terribly disturbing thoughts with us all. Why?!?

Shoelaces and standardized sizing and American politics. These are the sorts of things that keep me awake at night, trying to unearth the reasoning behind the unreasonable. Maybe it is all connected. Maybe Donald’s run at the White House is secretly supported by shoelace lobbyists and an overseas conglomerate that manufactures dressing room mirrors. Could this be a thing? Hmmmm…. Something to think about…

Author: kim scaravelli

Kim lives in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, with her long-suffering husband, an assortment of off-spring, a charming cat named Winnie, and a less charming (but oddly loveable) schnauzer named Buster.

3 thoughts

  1. One of the American Muslim protestors at the Rock Hill, SC event led by “he who shall not be named” noted the cult like feel to the room. This is the second time he has been removed for standing up in silent protest. Just before he was evicted, an American Muslim woman, whose shirt said “I come in peace,” was asked to leave the proceedings when she to stood up in silent protest. Mind, you these were standing, silent protests, yet it so enflamed some of the cult-like followers, she was asked to leave. On the good side, she did get apologies from some seat mates.

    Call me crazy, but I have this kooky idea that if you are interviewing for the job of President, you should act presidential. Shoelaces are optional.

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  2. I so agree with you on all three. I avoid shoe laces like the plague and although I had not considered it before professional sports people do waste a lot of time on their laces. It might be a strategy I suppose, unsettle the opponent by making him/her wait.
    Clothing sizes, tell me about it. I have been updating my wardrobe and I know I am overweight but it’s so confusing when you look at a size chart and find that your size ranges from an XL to a 3X depending on who you buy from and what the heck is a size 6? Those did not exist in Women’s sizing when I was young, 8 was the smallest and hard to find, 6 was children’s wear. Now apparently if you wear a 14 you are deemed plus sized. That is depressing.
    As for Donald Trump it’s gone from being funny to scary. We elected a government headed by an equally stupid man a couple of years ago and we’re still paying for it. Don’t do it America!

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