Am I the Only One?

the only oneAm I the only one who has an overwhelming stash of scented candles, “interesting” teas, and notebooks with pretty covers?

Should there be an occasion when I find myself alone in an extended blackout, I am confident that I will be able to document my struggles eloquently while sipping chamomile-peppermint-licorice flavoured water in a room filled the ubiquitous aromas of cinnamon, vanilla, orange, lavender, and the beach (a surprisingly popular, though hard to describe smell).

Am I the only one whose refrigerator houses more sauces and condiments than actual food?

Why do I have a giant bottle of oyster sauce? Four different kinds of “hot” chilli sauce? Regular mustard, honey mustard, dijon mustard, and grainy dijon mustard? And a crazy number of pickle options? Why do they all come in containers that are too fat, too tall, or too strangely shaped to fit properly in that shelf on the refrigerator door? And why, with such an abundance of taste choices, do my children still put ketchup on the table no matter what we are having for dinner?

Am I the only one with a bin full of footwear “protectors” and a closet full of salt-stained boots and shoes?

I am university educated, so why can’t I figure out how to use all those sprays and lotions and oils properly? And if they don’t work, why do I keep buying them? There’s a shoe repair guy who has probably put his kids through college on the money I have given him to resuscitate Uggs and make black leather shiny again. Yet I cannot give up on the notion that this is something I could do myself… if only I had the right product… and the right brush/cloth… and a space so well ventilated that I wouldn’t asphyxiate during the process.

Am I the only one with a zillion square storage containers for food and a zillion round lids?

How does this keep happening? Is there a house nearby where, right at this moment, someone is putting leftover chilli in a round plastic container and cursing because there are only square lids? Because the only possible explanation is a neighbourhood poltergeist with a bizarre sense of humour!

Am I the only one with a collection of un-worn scarves?

I really want to be one of those women who tosses on a scarf and looks great. And clearly, based on the drawer full of colourful fabric swathes, I believe I may wake up one morning and find that I have morphed into one of those women and I want to be ready when it happens. But truthfully, I think my head is too small. Or maybe my shoulders are too narrow. Or my hair just isn’t the right length. Because no matter how much time I spend knotting and unknotting and wrapping and unwrapping, I never seem to get that scarf to look the way it does on those women. Sigh.

Am I the only one who needs help with these sorts of things?

Are there others like me? And if there are, how do I connect with my people? Is there a support group for obsessive notebook/candle/tea purchasers? A continuing education class dedicated to teaching participants how to polish footwear or properly don a scarf? A book club where everyone reads nothing but cookbooks filled with recipes where oyster sauce is the main course and desserts incorporate a variety of mustards?

And… the most plaguing question of all…

Am I the only one whose mind is cluttered with thoughts of such trivial things!?!

Author: kim scaravelli

Kim lives in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, with her long-suffering husband, an assortment of off-spring, a charming cat named Winnie, and a less charming (but oddly loveable) schnauzer named Buster.

5 thoughts

    1. Thank goodness! As I write this, I am sitting in my kitchen trying to convince myself to make a pot of liquorice-peppermint tea (with loose tea)but knowing that I am going to put on more coffee instead!

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  1. Kim, ours would resemble the house you live in. We have as many candles as Susan Sarandon did in “Bull Durham.” Plus, we have little containers of marinara sauce that come with take out orders stashed in our frig. Keith

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    1. Yes… the takeout packets. For me, it’s plum sauce. I secretly believe that I will someday send my kids to school with miniature eggs rolls in a thermos and these will be super convenient when that happens. But it never happens because who wakes up in the morning with enough mental fortitude to pre-heat an oven and start baking egg rolls?!? So they just sit in a baggy on the fridge condiment shelf until one breaks open and the whole thing gets gooey and I throw it out… sigh…

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      1. The inevitable leak. Or, we will sweep one of those tiny tubs off the top shelf and they explode when they hit the floor. Different subject. My father-in-law was a traveling service rep who checked on and maintained textile machinery. Since his salary and per diem were not great, he would horde the little soaps from hotel rooms. When he and my mother-in-law passed, we found a drawer full of 100 or so soap bars, some which had disintegrated they were so old.

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