5 Nightly MUSTS for Middle-Aged Women

nightly musts

  1. Take a bath

Showers say “I’m getting ready” but the bath vibe is more akin to “I’m done for the day”. Plus, bathing involves lying down and allows for the drinking of wine, which are both very good things.

  1. Put on some super big pajama bottoms

If you can’t stuff at least two bedroom pillows into the waistband, you need to go bigger! Nobody gets extra “woman” points for being able to wear XS pajamas. Just sayin’. And nothing feels better than NOT having a muffin top and NOT having a red elastic band mark around your middle.

  1. Have hubby fold some laundry

A man folding laundry while you sit on the sofa is the soft-core porn fantasy of married women everywhere. It is likely that you do more around the house than he does, and unless you have a halo around your head, you resent the shit out of him sometimes. So get him to fold a few towels and put them in a basket… even if he does it wrong and you secretly re-fold them later before putting them in the closet. Because just watching him do something for a few minutes, while you do nothing, is delightful.

  1. Eat a cookie

No matter what psychologists and diet gurus say, food is an AWESOME reward. You made it through the day! So have a cookie. And not some gluten-free, low calorie thing from the granola-bar aisle in the grocery store. I’m talking about a “real” cookie, with sugar and gluten and butter.

  1. Watch a truly mindless television show

But don’t watch it on TV because TV sucks, with its endless commercials about women who are ridiculously excited because they lost 10-pounds by replacing all their meals with power shakes, or because they finally got the “bad” smell out of their living room carpet. These things will enrage you if you are a feminist, like myself. Or, if you are not, they will make you feel guilty about your end-of-day cookie and tempted to get out the vacuum.

Stick to Netflix, or Shomi, or Crave TV, or whatever streaming service is currently offering $7.99/month. And don’t watch anything described as a “drama-dy”. “Drama-dy” is code for a sad story where some woman ends up alone and remorseful.

I highly recommend Scandal. Over-the-top plotlines, lots of sex in which the male characters are at least equally exploited, and unless you are pouring pinot grigio on your breakfast cereal, you will feel like a moderate drinker by comparison to Olivia Pope and her gang.

Life is busy. We all need to stop and breathe at the end of the day. We need to be kind to ourselves. So tonight, take your wine to the bathtub. Slip your warm, merlot-happy body into a pair of XL plaid flannel pants. Enjoy a cookie (or two) while hubby incorrectly folds the linens, and couch-surf for an hour or so. Because you deserve it!

Author: kim scaravelli

Kim lives in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, with her long-suffering husband, an assortment of off-spring, a charming cat named Winnie, and a less charming (but oddly loveable) schnauzer named Buster.

5 thoughts

  1. Kim, these are priceless. By the way, there is an old saying, “a man will never be shot while doing the dishes.” Take a break and have a cookie. Keith

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  2. I especially like the part of having your Hubby do something while your doing nothing cause that never happens. At least with mine, he does no inside chores other than removing clean dishes from the dishwasher.

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    1. And is ‘unloading the dishwasher’ really a thing? Or just half of a thing? My hubby likes to ‘bring up the laundry’ which is really just taking it out of the dryer in the basement and leaving it (as a giant unfolded mass) on a chair in the living room. Not sure if this is really helpful. Just saying.

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