52 Truths I Know at Age 52

In many cultures (NOT including mine), people seek out the wisdom of their Elders and on the morning of my 52^nd birthday, I have arisen feeling wise. So, while absolutely NO ONE is seeking my wisdom, I am choosing to share it anyway.

Here are 52 truths I know at age 52 (presented in random order because, at age 52, “random” is how my wisdom flows):

1. A crying child should always be given a cookie.
2. There are very few truly evil people in the world. But there are a lot of fools and they are just as dangerous.
3. No room needs a white rug.
4. There have always been bullies. The internet didn’t create them. It just made it harder to ignore them.
5. Don’t ask for help if you can’t live with imperfection.
6. If it is made of cotton it will shrink in the dryer. Period.
7. Wine is good.
8. Fart jokes are always funny.
9. You can insist on having a child clean their own room. Or you can have a clean room. You cannot have both.
10. It is better to be fat than hungry.
11. The best scent on earth is the smell of a freshly bathed baby.
12. If you need unconditional love, get a dog. Romantic love should have conditions.
13. Everyone should be a feminist. Period.
14. “Sorry” should always be a complete sentence. Don’t add “but”.
15. Never trust a person who buys uncomfortable furniture.
16. We all stress out too much over fruit flies.
17. If the thought of watching another person clip their toenails turns you off, don’t get married.
18. If you are wondering if you cooked enough pasta … the answer is “No”.
19. You cannot be happy if your feet are cold.
20. Sensible people are always appreciated but seldom asked to parties.
21. Airports are designed by sadists.
22. Bubble baths are delightful.
23. Everyone should own a pair of Roots sweatpants.
24. Avoid taking small children to restaurants that do not have crayons.
25. Marry the person who makes you laugh the hardest.
26. No one knows where the phone charger went. NO ONE. Don’t bother asking.
27. Splurge on shoes.
28. Spellcheck does not replace good spelling skills.
29. Beach cover-ups are the best clothing invention EVER.
30. American Republicans are scary.
31. Sometimes you need potato chips.
32. The flowers you buy yourself are often the most beautiful.
33. Nothing spoils a walk with a friend like knowing they are “counting” the steps on their Fitbit.
34. Nothing fun every happened at an event where you felt the need to wear Spanx.
35. A house filled with love will probably have pet fur on the sofa.
36. Women and men have completely different ideas of what “busy” looks like.
37. An appliance with a one-year warranty will not break until month 13.
38. Sometimes you need dessert. Even if you haven’t had dinner.
39. A mother knows when her child hurts. Always.
40. There is only one sure-fire way to make sure you always fit into your favourite jeans. Buy jeans that fit.
41. Every woman deserves a pedicure.
42. There should always be ice cream in your freezer.
43. If you made the meal, someone else should do the dishes.
44. Always pack more underwear than you think you will need.
45. There is something un-nerving about people who don’t watch television.
46. The world might have more vegetarians if it were not for pigs. Pigs are delicious.
47. Everyone should sing, at least in the shower.
48. No one’s romantic relationship is as great as they pretend it is.
49. It is always happy hour somewhere.
50. You can teach an old dog new tricks.
51. Fun things seldom happen in tidy rooms.
52. No one should cook on their birthday.