I realize that many people are still firmly committed to reading nothing but heartfelt articles by celebrities about what they plan to tell their children in the aftermath of the American election. The whole experience was like watching a car crash in slow motion and it is hard to think (or talk) about anything else, but we need to decompress.
It is time to find things to be slightly annoyed about.
Life continues. And letting The Donald eat up all the space inside our heads is allowing him the greatest victory of all. So we must push him out. Sniff some flowers, kiss the top of a baby’s head, and buy a bottle of the “good” wine (a.k.a. more than $20). Laugh. And slowly dial back the overwhelming fury you may be feeling by taking measured steps back to a time when you were just slightly annoyed by tiny, foolish things. Allow me to help you on the road to recovery by sharing…
10 things to be slightly annoyed About:
- People who sit in Starbucks with their laptops… for hours. I just want a chair where I can sip my over-priced frappa-crappa-mocha concoction. So why must I lean against the wall, like a girl no one wants to dance with, while half a dozen millennial stare intensely at their Mac screens and type out C-grade term papers?
- The Apple Genius Bar. Seriously? Is there anything more obnoxious than that title? And a little FYI… when your products mess up so frequently that you must line the back of every store with a help counter, a little more humility might be in order.
- Uggs. Kudos to the marketing folks at that company for managing to sell a bedroom slipper for $200+ a pair, under the premise that it would be the perfect footwear for trumping down slushy streets in the dead of winter!
- “One size” clothing. Note to the Brandy Melville Corporation: Your t-shirts fit my cat. Many women are larger than my cat.
- Lip balm. I buy lip balms almost every time I go to a drug store. I put them in my purse, my coat pockets, and the cup holder in my car. But when my lips are dry, they are gone! Who is taking my lip balms and why?
- Movie characters that wake up and kiss each other. Am I the only one grossed out by this? Because I don’t care how hot you are… morning breath is disgusting.
- Passwords. I cannot log into Netflix, Crave TV, iTunes, or any of my favorite online shoe store accounts without first clicking “forgot my password”. I have added 1s and 2s and 3s and capital letters and the “#” symbol to the familiar names of streets, pets, and Simpsons characters in so many combinations that even my Mac keychain is getting stressed out.
- Cereal packaging. If luncheon meats, ground coffee, and frozen bags of fruit can be put in re-sealable bags, why not the Rice Krispies and the Cheerios!?!
- 30-minute parking. I attended a recent business event where the entire circumference of the conference centre was lined with 30-minute meters. Seriously!
- Bicyclists that pedal down the centre of the lane. I get it. Bicycling is healthy and environmentally friendly and the world would be a better place if we all drove bicycles. But I want to travel at the speed limit, and when the light turns red I don’t want to be stuck staring at a stranger’s spandex-covered ass, and when the light turns green I don’t want to wait an extra 30 seconds while they try to shove their feet into the little stirrup things on their “Tour de France” style bicycle.
I hope my list of trivial annoyances made you grin, or grimace, or both. And I welcome you to ‘Share’ so that others may benefit from a social media post that isn’t accompanied by an image of Donald’s bright orange face!
Thank you for the smile – direly needed. I wish my kids ate cereal slowly enough for me to be able to complain about not being able to close the packet.
Kim, my wife is looking for that lip balm thief. He or she is probably wearing a ski mask, but with great lips. Keith
Occasionally they do re-appear… but always in the dryer and always AFTER I have run it for 40 minutes and melted gooey spots onto all my t-shirts.
That is not fun. I used to keep one in my car, but even when covered, would get gooey.
Except that they’re staring at their Mac screens and doing everything BUT typing up their c-grade papers. That’s for 5-7am the morning they’re due! Another good post. Thanks!
Holy hand grenades, Bateman. You knocked this one out of the park. Double extra for the chapstick phenomenon. I am the owner of at least 50 missing lip balms which I only discover when I’m rooting around in my purse and I find that either the slick cap has unscrewed itself or the contents have melted their way into gushing and gunking up the bottom of said reticule!
I feel like I have been “looking for my chapstick” for most of my adult life!
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