Christmas Traditions: Old and New

I married into an Italian family. In Italian families, anything that happens twice becomes a “tradition” and must be repeated on the same day, in the same way, until the end of time.

There are endless pluses to this philosophy. For example, it is easy to figure out what I am doing on Sundays (large, loud family dinner), what I am cooking for birthday celebrations (meatballs), what weeks to book for summer vacation (last week of July and first week of August), and where I will be on my summer vacation (in-laws cottage by the ocean – surrounded by relatives). Christmas and Thanksgiving will always be turkey; Easter will always be ham; and Mother’s Day will always be lobster.

The inherent problem with this philosophy is that it makes reversals, retractions, and removals almost impossible. Just ask my cousin who inherited the labour-intense, super-smelly ‘rice roll tradition’ and must now produce enough of them to feed the entire extended family – twice a year!

There is also an inherent sexism. As a person with ovaries, my traditions involve cooking, baking, planning and implementing celebrations, and the purchasing/wrapping/delivery of all gifts. As a person with a penis, my husband’s traditions involve eating, drinking, and participating in multiple annual golf tournaments. This may explain why I sometimes try to beg off a tradition or two, while he adamantly insists that each and every ritual is a precious thread in the fabric of his family.

This may also explain why I have decided to create some new traditions this Christmas…

Tradition #1: I am officially bestowing the honour of creating the Christmas casseroles to my husband. From here to eternity, let it be said, that only those with penises will have this honour. Hubby is worried that he may not do it right, but I am confident that a university educated man who runs his own company will be able to peel the potatoes, and cut up the turnips, and slice the apples. I believe that he can read the recipe card and follow the step-by-step instructions. I have faith!

 Tradition #2: December 27^th shall officially be declared a day of rest for all of the kitchen appliances. On this date, all foods shall come from drive thru windows, donut shops, and the concession stand at the movie theatre. On this date, popcorn shall be declared a dinner option and peanut butter balls shall be considered a vegetarian meal choice.  Those with penises will be responsible for making morning coffee. Should this responsibility be unfulfilled, those with ovaries will be allowed to substitute wine. No judging!

Tradition #3: New Year’s Dinner will be delivered. I am leaving it up to hubby to decide whether this delivery will be Chinese, Thai, Italian, or Sushi. He should choose carefully since tradition will thereby dictate that the same choice be made on all subsequent New Year’s Days… Just sayin’.

Tradition #4: Those will ovaries will not be the designated drivers for any event held from December 25-January 1. Ever. Again. So sayeth the people with ovaries.

Making traditions is super fun! In fact, my only New Year’s resolution this year is that I am going to make new traditions for each holiday in 2017. Note to people with ovaries… there will be an annual Mother-Daughter golf tournament… it will be held somewhere with a spa.

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