Dear Hipster Dude in the Coffee Shop Line Up

DEAR HIPSTER DUDE:

I respect that you have strong beliefs about coffee industry practices. Before making your purchase, you need to confirm that the beans have been ethically harvested and that every worker in the farm-to-store process has been properly compensated for their efforts.  Good for you! 

I am in a bit of a rush to get to work and your conversation with the disinterested-looking fellow behind the counter is slowing things down a bit, but it is nice to have an educational opportunity so early in the day.  I am learning things about Guatemala and Mexico that I did not know before, so thanks for that!

I personally apologize for the lack of gluten-free options in the display case.  Kudos to you for using this moment to promote your friend’s new organic-vegan-gluten-free-nut-free-quinoa-only baking business.  I am not entirely sure that the disinterested-looking fellow behind the counter has the authority to make purchasing decisions for the coffee shop, but I guess it can’t hurt to have him find a pen and paper so you can write down your friend’s contact information.  I am now officially late for work but I respect your intentions.

I also respect the environmentally-conscious choice of keeping a re-usable travel mug with you.   I brought mine too.  But mine is in my left hand, while yours appears to be somewhere at the bottom of a very nasty smelling backpack.  Wow… you sure do have a lot of things in there… and I love the way you unpack it all so slowly and stack each item on the counter, one by one. The travel mug is at the VERY bottom.  Go figure.

You are 100% right in asking the disinterested-looking fellow to rinse it out.  In fact, had you not made this request I think I might have done so on your behalf.  And I completely understand why he is choosing to take it back into the kitchen instead of just running it under the nearby tap.  I imagine that he wants to put on gloves before getting into whatever process will be necessary to remove the greenish-blackish goo from around the lid.

I appreciate your attempt to engage in small talk with me while we wait for his return.  Yes… that is my car outside.  The one with the police officer standing beside it.  And yes… he is writing out a ticket. Thanks for noticing.

I think it is wonderful that you have personally chosen active transportation and thank you for sharing your opinions with me.  The planet is a better place because of your bicycle.

I am developing a keen admiration for the disinterested-looking fellow, who is maintaining an air of complete detachment through this entire process.  He appears utterly non-plussed by the zillion steps involved in the creation of your non-fat-decaf-iced-sugar-free-vanilla-latte with soy milk.  Hats off to him, I say!

And I think I can speak for both disinterested-looking fellow and myself when I say “thank you” for paying quickly with money pulled from the pocket of your jeans.  Really thought you would be making another voyage into the depths of that nasty smelling backpack. 

Good-bye hipster dude.  Enjoy your strange coffee-like concoction.  Bike safely.  And don’t worry about not tipping the disinterested-looking fellow who just sacrificed 15 minutes of his life to you.  I only asked for a large black coffee but I gave him a $5 and told him to keep the change.

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