10 Things a 53-Year-Old Woman Might Want For Her Birthday


So today is my birthday. Yesterday I was 52.  Today I am 53.  Logically, I know that I am not “a year older” – just 24 hours older, and I don’t feel better or worse than yesterday.  Well… perhaps a little worse because I went to dinner with a friend last night and enjoyed a bit too much red wine and a bit too much red meat, and spent the wee hours simultaneously battling the bed spins and the meat sweats.

But other than these self-induced ills, I feel basically the same.  Getting older has never been one of those things that bothers me.  And I strongly prefer it to the alternative.

True, I am fatter, more wrinkly, and more crinkly than I used to be, but so far these problems are readily solved by buying larger jeans, more expensive face creams, and giant containers of Advil gel caps.  Note: The Advil gel capsule is one of the greatest inventions of our time!

So please feel free to wish me a happy birthday.  I will not break into tears or launch into a sad lament about “playing the back 9”.  Note: Most of the people who use that golf analogy are arguably playing the 15th-18th holes. Just sayin’.

And on the subject of wishing me well… If you are looking for a gift idea, please allow me to offer a few suggestions that are popular amongst my demographic (middle-aged women with jobs and children and overly anxious pets):

  1. Wine
  2. Wine
  3. Wine

(I cannot stress strongly enough how much middle-aged women love wine).

  1. Breakfast, lunch, or dinner in a restaurant

(We generally enjoy any meal that does not require a trip to the grocery store and does not end with the need to load and unload the dishwasher).

  1. An Outing. 

(Middle-aged women LOVE being taken out in public, even if it means swapping our Roots Sweatpants for something with a non-elastic waistband).  And while on that subject…

  1. Roots Sweatpants

(Because when you put on your Roots Sweatpants, you literally forget your worries  – and when they are new, they are all fuzzy inside, which is extra delightful).

  1. Tea, tea cups, a tea pot… basically anything related to enjoying a cup of tea

(Middle-aged women love the idea of being tea-drinkers.  On an average day, we are more likely to drink coffee – right up until 5pm when we switch out the mug for a giant fishbowl glass of wine – but we like the idea of tea).

  1. Jewelry

(Much like the tea… even if it is never worn – because it looks silly with Roots Sweatpants –  it is nice to have).

  1. Gourmet mini-cupcakes

(FYI… The calorie count for foods that fit in your mouth, in their entirety, is zero.  This is a fact.  Google it!)

  1. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

(Sigh.  It is a long-shot but it makes us happy to dream!)

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Author: Kim Scaravelli

I'm a content strategist and author of "Making Words Work: A Practical Guide To Writing Powerful Content." I'm bossy, but in a good way. And when I'm not kicking ass professionally, I wrangle a large, unruly family, and serve as butler to very demanding pets.

37 thoughts

          1. I also consider myself a tea person. But I must admit that I like rooting around in the tea store as much as actually drinking the tea. Tea shops are like book stores… they make you feel smart and cultured

            Liked by 1 person

  1. I think, but I might be wrong, (although I’m usually right) that I am a bit in love with you just after reading this one post! Hilarious! And now I’m off to check out Roots sweatpants – or as we say in the UK ‘jogging bottoms’ although I’m definitely only going to wear them on the sofa with a gin and tonic 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Know yer a pup. Birthdays are highly overrated. And I send you numerous Old Spice guy in the shower commercials to make you grin. Google it… I’m too old to embed it. 😉 Live long….

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’d like to add to the list: an industrial sized fan in EVERY room I intend to go into, Tena Lady free with EVERY handbag I buy and my young looking knees back – instead of the two mountain ranges that seem to have taken up residence in the middle of my legs! Oh, and a mobile phone with a MASSIVE keyboard big enough to accomodate my seemingly gigantic thumbs!! 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Excellent additions! I shall begin my Christmas list immediately… Note: I always start my Christmas list the moment my birthday is over. I am like a small child that way – a true gift junkie!


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