So today is my birthday. Yesterday I was 52. Today I am 53. Logically, I know that I am not “a year older” – just 24 hours older, and I don’t feel better or worse than yesterday. Well… perhaps a little worse because I went to dinner with a friend last night and enjoyed a bit too much red wine and a bit too much red meat, and spent the wee hours simultaneously battling the bed spins and the meat sweats.
But other than these self-induced ills, I feel basically the same. Getting older has never been one of those things that bothers me. And I strongly prefer it to the alternative.
True, I am fatter, more wrinkly, and more crinkly than I used to be, but so far these problems are readily solved by buying larger jeans, more expensive face creams, and giant containers of Advil gel caps. Note: The Advil gel capsule is one of the greatest inventions of our time!
So please feel free to wish me a happy birthday. I will not break into tears or launch into a sad lament about “playing the back 9”. Note: Most of the people who use that golf analogy are arguably playing the 15th-18th holes. Just sayin’.
And on the subject of wishing me well… If you are looking for a gift idea, please allow me to offer a few suggestions that are popular amongst my demographic (middle-aged women with jobs and children and overly anxious pets):
(I cannot stress strongly enough how much middle-aged women love wine).
- Breakfast, lunch, or dinner in a restaurant
(We generally enjoy any meal that does not require a trip to the grocery store and does not end with the need to load and unload the dishwasher).
- An Outing.
(Middle-aged women LOVE being taken out in public, even if it means swapping our Roots Sweatpants for something with a non-elastic waistband). And while on that subject…
- Roots Sweatpants
(Because when you put on your Roots Sweatpants, you literally forget your worries – and when they are new, they are all fuzzy inside, which is extra delightful).
- Tea, tea cups, a tea pot… basically anything related to enjoying a cup of tea
(Middle-aged women love the idea of being tea-drinkers. On an average day, we are more likely to drink coffee – right up until 5pm when we switch out the mug for a giant fishbowl glass of wine – but we like the idea of tea).
(Much like the tea… even if it is never worn – because it looks silly with Roots Sweatpants – it is nice to have).
- Gourmet mini-cupcakes
(FYI… The calorie count for foods that fit in your mouth, in their entirety, is zero. This is a fact. Google it!)
- Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
(Sigh. It is a long-shot but it makes us happy to dream!)